Umm I'm too high to move.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
