The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
