well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
