she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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