Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
