I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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