I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
