I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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