i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
