what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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