Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
