Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
