he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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