I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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