He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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