He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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