my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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