I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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