a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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