3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
