Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
