I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
