shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
