the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
