Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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