I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
