It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
