Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
