I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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