Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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