John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
