Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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