I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
