So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
