Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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