I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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