We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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