The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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