I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
