I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
