You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
