i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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