dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
