He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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