"it" just moved
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
