I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
