I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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