I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
