yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
