i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
