I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
