how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
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Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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