I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
