My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
