Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
