I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
50% drunk capacity currently
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
