i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize