So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
