i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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