Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drunk is a universal language darling
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
