this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
