She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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