Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
