know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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