Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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