if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
