Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
