I just threw up on my dentist
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
