dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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