Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
