I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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