he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
