Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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