is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
do herpes really smell.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
