fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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