can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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