so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
