I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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