Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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