Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
