Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
